Let's face it. Shopping, giving and receiving gifts makes us feel good. Every time we treat ourselves with something special, tiny drug dealers in our brains squirt a shot of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals, and let us know that this is something special, that we really want it.
Beautiful Christmas decorations, pictures of Santa and happy family gatherings everywhere, jingle bells songs and smell of candy and cinnamon in the air, keep boosting the fantasy that something special is in the air, and that it’s time to treat ourselves with beautiful offerings from the shop windows. Each year, this madness seems to start earlier; Black Friday starting early in November, followed by Cyber Monday, Thanksgiving, Saint Nicholas in Europe and then, finally, Christmas, followed by yet another good man Dedek Mraz in Slavic countries ... it just goes on and on, creating a beautiful illusion which abruptly ends in January when the bills start coming in. Kaching!
Passion, fashion, obsession and addiction?
Where dopamine and fantasy get into the picture, we tend to feel elevated and high, and we may lose control of how far it is safe to go. Any prolonged exposure to the feel-good activities may result in compulsive (impossible to stop), excessive and obsessive behaviors and possibly addiction. (See How can people get addicted, when there’s no mind-altering substance involved?)
Shopaholics spend more than they can afford to avoid feeling lonely, angry or depressed. Afterward, they feel guilty for spending so much and may even try to return the goods—but they may also go shopping again as a way to feel less guilty about a previous shopping spree. Their relationships suffer because of their compulsive spending. What sets shopping addiction apart from other harmless types of shopping is that the behavior becomes the person’s primary way of coping with stress, even when it clearly harms other areas of their life.
Serenity – How to recognize, understand and recover from behavioral addictions
The following text is a chapter from my newest book Serenity – How to recognize, understand and recover from behavioral addictions, that is about to be published by Brandylane Publishers Inc and available on Amazon next month. In it, I explain thoroughly how any obsession with otherwise pleasurable behavior can turn into a dangerous disease of addiction.
A behavioral addiction, shopping addiction is characterized by an overwhelming and compulsive need to purchase items, no matter what the consequences. People with shopping addiction often buy things they do not need, cannot afford, or do not use. They may shop online or in stores, alone or with others, impulsively or premeditatedly.
4.9% of the global adult population is estimated to have a shopping addiction.
It was reported that 7.6% of patients with shopping addiction have attempted suicide, with risks higher among women, those without family support, and the unemployed.
Addiction to money
Addictions to money are behavioral addictions characterized by obsessive and out-of-control behavior involving hoarding, spending, shopping, incurring debts, and even avoiding money. In acting out these behaviors, the addicts use money and their relationship to money to escape, improve, or otherwise manipulate their own negative emotions, especially their feelings of low self-worth.
For people with insecure attachment styles, as addicts are, the whole world feels dangerous, and they may find that certain behaviors like shopping help them feel less anxious—thus affecting the pleasure and reward pathways in the brain. These addictions bear some similarities to gambling addiction, in that they also involve irrational behavior relating to money and may get the person into trouble or dependent relationships (in this case, between a creditor and a debtor) that may mirror the addict’s traumatic childhood relationships. (see Inside the love addict's brain). Moreover, obsessive seeking relief by manipulating with so called resources: money, power, goods, as well as debts, can lead to serious consequences.
People typically handle money, debt and risk based on the decisions dictated by their personal life scripts. Their behaviors around spending, saving, hoarding, worshiping, and even fearing money and poverty can become compulsive or obsessive. If they are not stopped despite the severe consequences they encounter, the diagnosis of an addiction is warranted. (see blog 11 signs of addiction). Typically, this kind of addiction presents itself as shopping and spending addiction, debt addiction, or even money avoidance.
I’m sure you worry if you already have crossed the line to addiction. In my newest book Serenity, I list the typical behaviors of shopaholics to help you come to terms with your fears.
Typical behaviors of shopaholics
Believing your happiness depends on how much money you have.
Obsessing over earning money.
Hoarding money or luxury items.
Obtaining money in unfair or illegal ways (e.g., fraud, scams, selling useless or stolen objects).
Shopping to improve your mood.
Being “in the red” most of the time.
Taking out loans to cover loans.
Investing in risky businesses, lending money to unreliable people or gamblers, or investing in money chains or cryptocurrencies.
Refusing to spend money you have saved for important things, like buying or renting a place to stay; or preferring to remain living in poor conditions so you can save.
Spending your partner’s money as revenge when they neglect you (financial infidelity).
Being constantly in debt to people who are emotionally important to you as a means of maintaining a connection to them, or using money as a measure of how important you are to loved ones (financial dependence).
Taking responsibility for paying off the debts of addicted family members (e.g., gamblers or drug addicts) so they do not leave you (financial enabling).
Taking excessive financial risks.
Borrowing from dangerous or unreliable people
Making risky business decisions.
Ignoring and violating financial regulations.
Driving dangerously, engaging in high-risk sports, or otherwise living “on the edge”.
An addict who engages in compulsive spending spends far beyond what is necessary, in order to feel better and avoid negative feelings like anxiety and depression. Shopaholics spend more than they can afford to in reaction to feeling angry or depressed. Afterward, they feel guilty for spending so much and may even try to return the goods—but they may also go shopping again as a way to feel less guilty about a previous shopping spree. Their relationships suffer because of their compulsive spending.
What sets shopping addiction apart from other harmless types of shopping is that the behavior becomes the person’s primary way of coping with stress, to the point where they continue to shop excessively, even when it clearly harms other areas of their life. And while some studies have found shopping addiction is more commonly found in women, others have shown an equal propensity for developing this addiction in both genders.
Advice for addicts
If you have found that your problems with money, debt, or risk-taking are obsessive and compulsive, you need professional help. The life scripts that lead a person to develop the addictions are not something you can change by yourself.
Advice for the addict’s family and friends
If one of your family members has this kind of addiction, their behavior may affect you in many ways. You may suffer from poverty or a lack of money, or feel a lack of attention and emotional presence on the part of your addicted family member. My advice to you is similar to the advice I give to family members of gamblers. These addicts need a rational perspective to point out the differences between what they imagine is real and what is actually real. They cannot rely on their own perceptions, because their denial distorts reality. Instead, someone aware of their addiction has to be there to stop them from fooling themselves. This is why I believe money and work addicts cannot fully recover without the initial help of relatives or friends, or at least someone who oversees their financial matters—and my experience as a therapist supports this view.
The text above is an excerpt from my newest book Serenity – How to recognize, understand and recover from behavioral addictions, that is published by Brandylane Publishers Inc., and available on Amazon since January 2025.
Dr. Sanja Rozman is a medical doctor, psychotherapist, and author of 9 books on behavioral addictions. Her newest book Serenity: How to Recognize, Understand, and Recover from Behavioral Addictions, features state-of-the-art descriptions, advice, and exercises, together with a template for your personalized recovery plan. Compassionate and easy to understand, it is your go-to manual for overcoming behavioral addictions.
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